1
00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:07,399
What will I do when you are far

2
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:14,359
away and I am blue? What will I

3
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:20,899
do when I'm alone with only

4
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:27,500
dreams of you that won't...

5
00:00:50,031 --> 00:00:56,719
It is, Trace. It's like when we were
kids, isn't it? You know, sorting out

6
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,770
jelly babies.

7
00:00:57,780 --> 00:00:59,240
Green for you, brown for me.

8
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,160
Did they do a brown one?

9
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,150
No.

10
00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:06,519
Did a black one, though.

11
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,670
I always used to try and pick the black
ones.

12
00:01:09,671 --> 00:01:12,979
Well, the way I worked it out, if jelly
babies were boys, the black ones would

13
00:01:12,980 --> 00:01:14,480
probably have a bit more jelly.

14
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:19,770
Yes, well, I was young and
impressionable then, wasn't I?

15
00:01:19,771 --> 00:01:21,379
Hi, Garth.

16
00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:22,560
Hello, Richard.

17
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:26,390
People from Dorian, Mrs... Aunty Sharon.

18
00:01:26,970 --> 00:01:29,470
Oh, she doesn't seem to have finished
this one.

19
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:33,130
Oh. Right, you can do the rest of the
trip this afternoon, boys.

20
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:43,770
Well, I must say, you get a better class
of empties at Dorian's.

21
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:46,420
Oh!

22
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,370
It's very liquid.

23
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,620
Boys will be wotsits.

24
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,480
Ain't you talking to me?

25
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,880
Eh? No.

26
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:00,980
I mean, yeah, I'm talking to you.

27
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,060
What, in sign language?

28
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,100
All right, then I'm not talking to you.

29
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,010
Could have told me.

30
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:15,460
Oh, look, it ain't that perfectly
innocent remark I made, is it?

31
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,170
Is it?

32
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:18,940
It is, isn't it?

33
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,410
Blimey. Tough when you have to do both
sides of an argument.

34
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,270
Innocent remark?

35
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:26,830
Innocent remark?

36
00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:29,320
Which innocent remark might that be,
Sharon?

37
00:02:29,321 --> 00:02:32,899
The perfectly innocent remark about the
boys having to take separate showers

38
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,519
here because this ain't a public school?

39
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,099
Or was it the perfectly innocent remark
about most boys bringing home dirty wife

40
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,630
hands but Garfield bringing home
occupied ones?

41
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,160
Look, look, look. It was just a bit of
fun.

42
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:46,780
I didn't mean anything.

43
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,570
And even if I did... Look, you're always
jumping to conclusions, you are.

44
00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:54,490
No, I'm not. Yes, you are. I mean, who
was it buried the answer?

45
00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:58,160
Yeah, well, I was, I don't know, such an
heavy sleeper.

46
00:02:59,490 --> 00:03:04,209
Look, just because Richard is a
sensitive, nicely spoken, 17 -year

47
00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:05,260
Poofter.

48
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:09,869
See, there you go again. If it don't
drool over page three, it's as bent as

49
00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:11,130
Quasimodo's coat hanger.

50
00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:16,350
Tracey, it was a joke. Don't take it so
serious. I didn't really mean anything.

51
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,530
No, but you were thinking it.

52
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,460
You were thinking, here comes Garth,
never brought a girl home.

53
00:03:22,461 --> 00:03:26,819
You were thinking, here comes Garth, he
invites this boy home to stay for the

54
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:31,360
holidays. This boy, who is not only two
years older, but also very good looking.

55
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,440
Yeah. If you like that sort of thing.

56
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,250
And you were saying it looks as if Garth
he does.

57
00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:38,380
Like that sort of thing, I mean.

58
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:39,820
No, you mean.

59
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:45,320
So you're saying that I'm saying Garth's
a bit of a Moulinix blender.

60
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:52,780
Yes. Trace?

61
00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:54,100
What?

62
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:55,840
Nothing.

63
00:03:56,990 --> 00:04:00,420
So that's probably the most I've ever
said without opening my mouth.

64
00:04:06,110 --> 00:04:07,970
Oh, what a pigsty.

65
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:12,710
Boys, why can't there be more like us,
eh?

66
00:04:13,350 --> 00:04:15,190
A bit tidier with a mess, you know.

67
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:17,920
More organised.

68
00:04:19,850 --> 00:04:25,109
Oh, dirty socks in one corner, dirty
knickers in another, dirty books under

69
00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:26,160
bed.

70
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,750
Tracy, what are you doing?

71
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,470
I'm searching, OK?

72
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:33,590
And what do you hope to find?

73
00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:36,630
16 bound volumes of gay news?

74
00:04:38,230 --> 00:04:40,170
Julian Cleary fan club badge?

75
00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:42,610
Sooty club membership card?

76
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:47,810
I don't know, but I'm going to prove to
you that my garth is not, you know.

77
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,740
Tracy, you don't have to prove anything
to me.

78
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,170
Except perhaps it weren't you that
scratched my basic rollers, LP.

79
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,700
That was 16 years ago.

80
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,700
So it was you, then!

81
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,240
Nice try, Sharon.

82
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:07,259
But you're not going to distract me. I'm
going to show you that our suspicions

83
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:08,460
are totally out of order.

84
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,640
Our suspicions?

85
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,760
Tracy, I told you, I'll take your word
for it. It's not good enough.

86
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,720
Look, if you say he's straight, then
he's straight.

87
00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:23,010
You've known him since he was a kid.

88
00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:24,750
Almost all his life, in fact.

89
00:05:26,510 --> 00:05:27,610
So he's normal, then?

90
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,690
So why are you looking through that lot?

91
00:05:30,691 --> 00:05:34,149
Tracey, if anyone's going to snoop in
other people's things, I want to be in

92
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,200
it.

93
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:40,830
Oh, have a look.

94
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:43,190
Oh, damn those staples.

95
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,210
in the nude, what?

96
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,400
The... Tracy?

97
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,180
How am I going to tell Daryl?

98
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,130
Tracy, I've got pictures of us with our
arms around each other.

99
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,650
You think that means anything? You're
off your hostess trolley.

100
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,190
So you don't think that means anything
then?

101
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,660
Oh yeah, it means something.

102
00:06:11,661 --> 00:06:15,839
It means Richard and Garth went into a
photo booth somewhere and spent half a

103
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,730
minute with their arms draped loosely
around each other.

104
00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:20,000
Everyone does that.

105
00:06:22,350 --> 00:06:24,880
I just don't like the way he's looking
at my garthy.

106
00:06:26,830 --> 00:06:29,490
What, you mean with those come -to -bed
eyes?

107
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:42,050
Here, Trace, let's go and finish with
this woman's own.

108
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,570
That'll be Dorian.

109
00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:50,750
She don't need an invitation, that one.

110
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:51,990
Like a sort of Jewish...

111
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,170
Hello, Sharon.

112
00:06:56,940 --> 00:06:58,260
Sorting out your bedding?

113
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,630
There's never a big bed wolf around when
you want one, is there?

114
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,320
That was a little red riding hood.

115
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:09,790
Oh, yeah.

116
00:07:09,791 --> 00:07:12,499
It was Goldilocks who had the free
beers, weren't it?

117
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,580
Lucky Goldilocks.

118
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,420
Tracy. Turn off the fan, Tracy.
Something's going to hit it.

119
00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:23,999
Tracy, I felt I had to come round to
congratulate you. I? I just want to say

120
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,200
think it's marvellous.

121
00:07:25,201 --> 00:07:28,739
All right, I'll give up. What's
marvellous, Dorian? The way you've

122
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,460
Richard into your home, of course.

123
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,260
My, my, Grandmother, what big eyes
you've got.

124
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:39,759
I mean, I never realised the working
class could be so relaxed about

125
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,799
like this.

126
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,039
You wouldn't like to explain exactly
what Dorian means by this, would you,

127
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,090
Sharon?

128
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:46,669
My, my.

129
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:49,090
grandmother. What a big mouth she's got.

130
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:52,290
Ah, you mean you didn't know?

131
00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:54,240
Well, she did.

132
00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:55,670
Then she didn't.

133
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,630
Then she wasn't sure, and then she was.

134
00:07:59,690 --> 00:08:04,229
Well, how stupid of me not to realise,
but he is only a friend, isn't he? It's

135
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:05,490
nothing to be upset about.

136
00:08:05,710 --> 00:08:06,760
Upset? Me?

137
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:12,589
Upset? Well, let me put it this way. You
reckon my son's closest, most intimate

138
00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:14,790
best friend is one of them?

139
00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,570
They're just... What does that make Mark
half?

140
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:25,459
Here, you see that? Keezy with the
tattoo. I thought you'd never leave.

141
00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:26,299
Hi, Mum.

142
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,350
All right.

143
00:08:27,351 --> 00:08:28,479
Have a good time.

144
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,530
Yeah, great.

145
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,620
Something wrong, Mum?

146
00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:35,590
Aunty Sharon's not been washing her
tights in the B -day again, has she?

147
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,950
At least this time she took them off
first.

148
00:08:39,179 --> 00:08:40,979
Well, see you later then, Mrs Stubbs.

149
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,320
Yeah, see you later, Mum.

150
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,490
Bye.

151
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:51,210
Yeah, Trace, you just would not believe
that Chigwell helped the aged.

152
00:08:51,211 --> 00:08:54,339
You know, they have got designer labels
coming out of their ear holes.

153
00:08:54,340 --> 00:08:57,359
There's bag women out there with better
wall jobs than what I've got.

154
00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:04,359
What? And now, wearing last year's cast
-off Armani... ..it's now

155
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,410
the inebriate woman.

156
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:08,320
I've got to thank the girl.

157
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:25,480
miles on the clock and a blue nanostane
on the bench.

158
00:09:29,510 --> 00:09:31,550
You haven't been crying again, have you?

159
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:32,960
No.

160
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:35,030
Yeah, it was a sad film.

161
00:09:35,031 --> 00:09:36,369
Oh, yeah.

162
00:09:36,370 --> 00:09:37,570
Real weepy, was it?

163
00:09:37,970 --> 00:09:39,020
Carry on camping.

164
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:42,730
Oh, Cheryl, what am I going to do?

165
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:45,710
Oh, come on, Tracy. You can't do
nothing.

166
00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:47,060
It's all my fault.

167
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:48,630
It's nobody's fault.

168
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,319
No one's to blame.

169
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,920
No, it's my fault. I'm his mum. A mum
should know.

170
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,530
Know what?

171
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,600
What side he passed his trousers on?

172
00:09:56,601 --> 00:10:00,819
You wouldn't understand since you've
managed to dodge the responsibility of

173
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:01,870
having kids.

174
00:10:01,871 --> 00:10:03,759
Thanks, Trace.

175
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,780
Oh, I'm sorry, Shao. I didn't think.

176
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,850
He certainly doesn't get it from you,
does he? What? It's his sensitivity.

177
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,720
A mother should be able to spot the
signs.

178
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,340
Signs? Well, little things.

179
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,910
Like... When he was a baby, he always
used to sleep on his tummy.

180
00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:26,350
Oh, well, that's it then, isn't it?

181
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,100
Might as well put him in charge of the
Queen's pictures now.

182
00:10:30,101 --> 00:10:33,069
Tracey, what the hell are you talking
about?

183
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:34,870
You mean you haven't heard that one?

184
00:10:34,871 --> 00:10:38,929
Tracey, get a grip on reality, girl. Oh,
so you don't think that means anything

185
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,050
then? Oh, yeah, yeah, it means
something.

186
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:42,870
It means you're a complete div.

187
00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:46,090
Tracey, pull yourself together.

188
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,380
You're still his mother?

189
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:52,240
Yeah. No matter what he is, he's still
my son, eh?

190
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,570
Right.

191
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,899
Anyway, we don't know who he is. Yeah,
but shall... For a start, we don't know

192
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:58,579
who he is.

193
00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:05,319
Look, it says here... According to the
eminent sexologists Masters

194
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:11,399
and Johnson, phases of this thought are
very common among adolescent boys who

195
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,320
almost invariably revert to a normal
lifestyle.

196
00:11:14,321 --> 00:11:18,479
Are you saying it might just be a phase
he's going through?

197
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,530
Yeah.

198
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,480
Me, Masters and Johnson.

199
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,390
And that fat woman who does the problem
pages.

200
00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:29,159
Well, it shows what you know, doesn't
it? I never noticed no boys going

201
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,380
no bent phase in Stoke Newinan. Oh, they
did, Trace.

202
00:11:32,381 --> 00:11:35,599
But how would you have known if you
couldn't get in to see whether they

203
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,680
their tummies or not?

204
00:11:36,681 --> 00:11:42,079
Look, Tracey, if you was a bent kid in
Stoke Newinan, you'd hardly go around

205
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,760
advertising the fact, would you?

206
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,570
You might as well wear a sign on your
crap saying, kick here.

207
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,380
You've got to admit, it's possible.

208
00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:55,260
A phase, I mean.

209
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,130
Yeah.

210
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,620
OK, it's possible.

211
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,530
Good.

212
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,440
Now, what if it isn't just a phase?

213
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:15,430
You're trouble, Tracy Stubbs.

214
00:12:15,431 --> 00:12:18,649
Your class is prejudiced against
anything that's different.

215
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,030
Listen, I'm not in a class.

216
00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:24,170
Besides, what has class got to do with
it? I just know what I want for my

217
00:12:24,171 --> 00:12:25,409
Oh, yeah?

218
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:29,870
Yes. Job, wife, little kiddies. Ariel,
Pittsburgh, up dead angel.

219
00:12:29,871 --> 00:12:33,689
No, not with a public school education
he won't end up like that because he'd

220
00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:34,950
in a different class to us.

221
00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:38,829
I thought you weren't in a class, Tracy.
I thought you didn't believe in it. I

222
00:12:38,830 --> 00:12:41,570
don't. I just want my girthy to be in a
different one.

223
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,640
I just want him to be, well, normal.

224
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,380
Tracy, normal and right aren't always
the same thing.

225
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:53,780
You shouldn't expect your kid to live up
to your idea of what's normal.

226
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,620
Look, suppose he does actually turn out
to be different.

227
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,120
How are you going to react?

228
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:04,810
I don't know.

229
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,240
Close, but the correct answer is so
what?

230
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,220
Makes sense, Sharon.

231
00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:12,940
Trace, I am making things.

232
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:14,870
So he's gay.

233
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,700
What difference does it make?

234
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:20,470
Well, apart from obvious, it means I
ain't likely to become a grandma.

235
00:13:20,471 --> 00:13:24,759
Look, why don't you stop thinking about
how it's going to affect you and start

236
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,730
thinking about how it's going to affect
Garth? Are you calling me selfish? Yes.

237
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,930
Is it going to stop him from being your
son?

238
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,080
No. Is it going to stop you being proud
of his marks at school?

239
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:36,580
Have you seen his marks?

240
00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:40,709
Is it going to stop you sneaking a quick
hug when you think I ain't looking so

241
00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,090
you won't embarrass him? No.

242
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:43,960
Oh.

243
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,970
Garth will still be Garth and you'll
still be his mum.

244
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:51,150
It's just that he'll be a bit... funny.

245
00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:53,760
Special.

246
00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:57,180
Special?

247
00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:02,970
Yeah. Or maybe I've been a bit selfish,
looking at it as my problem.

248
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,860
Well, it ain't.

249
00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:06,340
No, it ain't.

250
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:07,620
He's Garfield.

251
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:09,670
And you'll stand by him?

252
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:11,790
And I'll stand by him.

253
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:13,990
But not too close, eh?

254
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:20,600
What?

255
00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:24,549
Well, let me put it this way. Remember I
told you I found those copies of Men

256
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:25,600
Only under his bed?

257
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:28,250
Yeah. Well, it seems he misunderstood
the title.

258
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:33,670
What? But it's no use screaming and
shouting, Daryl. No, no, you're right.

259
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,770
It's just that I can't believe it.

260
00:14:35,771 --> 00:14:37,479
Well, you'd think I made it up.

261
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,439
Some joke that's going round the
Prisoners' Wives Association.

262
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,439
Let's all tell our husbands their sons
are pusses, see who gets the blackest

263
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,780
eyes. All right, all right.

264
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,980
It's just that, I mean, he's such a well
-set -up kid.

265
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:50,430
Yeah, I know.

266
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:51,510
Broad -shouldered.

267
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,200
Athletic. Where's brute?

268
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,980
Hmm. Daryl, I know all that. It means
nothing.

269
00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:58,790
Quentin Crisp's first lover was a lorry
driver.

270
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:00,990
Who?

271
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,240
Sharon read it in a book somewhere.

272
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,130
Sharon? I might have known this had
something to do with Sharon.

273
00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:10,669
Look, this ain't got nothing to do with
Sharon. It's to do with Garfield.

274
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:13,380
You saying I don't know my own son?
After 12 months, no.

275
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:17,210
They change so quickly, Daryl. Yeah, in
the dresses, according to you.

276
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,330
No, that's transvestites, not
homosexuals.

277
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:22,670
Transvestites are rarely homosexuals.

278
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:24,790
Sharon. Sharon.

279
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,390
Whatever he is, it don't make sense.

280
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:29,490
My son?

281
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,280
I mean...

282
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,020
If he was in trouble with the old
Bill... Oh, well, that'd be all right

283
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,859
wouldn't it? Well, at least I could walk
around... Oh, at least it'd be manly.

284
00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:41,679
He could go to ball school, learn to
fight and steal and smash things up.

285
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,779
he could move on to some serious
blagging.

286
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:47,839
Even land himself a nice little twirl
stretch like his dad. Don't get shirty.

287
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,539
ain't down to me. Oh, meaning...
Meaning? If you hadn't wrapped him up in

288
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:54,499
wool... Right, I see. Maybe it might
have been different. Right, so it's my

289
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,040
fault. I didn't say that! Good.

290
00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:59,469
Only the thought had crossed my mind
that having a dad that knocks over banks

291
00:15:59,470 --> 00:16:01,849
and gets himself locked up might just
have had some effect.

292
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:05,029
In fact, I heard somewhere that where
there ain't a father figure, boys can

293
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,250
sometimes turn funny.

294
00:16:06,770 --> 00:16:10,469
Sharon? So if we're going to start
dishing out blame, just remember the

295
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,600
neither of us is getting our oats is one
of us is doing porridge.

296
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:14,700
Trace.

297
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,810
That was Chris's fault.

298
00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:20,050
Oh, at last. The truth.

299
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:22,450
It's Chris's fault, Garfield's bent.

300
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,450
Are you sure?

301
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,280
What am I going to do?

302
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:31,980
What are you going to do?

303
00:16:31,981 --> 00:16:35,539
All you've got to do is not plan any
extensive holidays for the next eight

304
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:36,590
years.

305
00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:39,339
I'll never be able to show me face up
the hammers again.

306
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:40,279
Oh, rubbish.

307
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,470
They'll just give you a pink season
ticket instead of a blue one.

308
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,060
Trotty, you've got to understand that
this is a big shock.

309
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,380
Oh, it was a real treat for me, Daryl.

310
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:53,370
Oh, I'm sorry, sugar, I'm sorry.

311
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:54,910
Yeah, me too.

312
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:58,050
So, what are we going to do?

313
00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:02,809
Well, I know what we don't do. We don't
start blaming each other, and we don't

314
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:03,860
blame Garfield.

315
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,780
Look, it needn't be a problem for him
unless we make it one.

316
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:08,460
Right.

317
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:10,240
Right.

318
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:11,770
So we keep stumped?

319
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:13,460
Yeah, I suppose.

320
00:17:13,461 --> 00:17:14,469
Good idea.

321
00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:16,330
The fewer people who know, the better.

322
00:17:16,630 --> 00:17:19,160
They'll throw me out the golf club if
they find out.

323
00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:21,380
Oh, so being a blagger's OK, is it?

324
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:23,659
Yeah, after the committee's been inside.

325
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:24,909
It is.

326
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:26,440
I'll never live this down.

327
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,410
Beryl, I was hoping you'd say something
useful.

328
00:17:30,411 --> 00:17:31,239
Like what?

329
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,239
I mean, apart from talk to the boy, but,
I mean, that's the first thing you do

330
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,290
anyway, isn't it?

331
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,120
You have talked to him, haven't you?

332
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,510
Well, not exactly.

333
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:45,010
Well, not exactly? Do you mean Garth
hasn't told you he's a nut?

334
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:47,380
That he bats for the other side?

335
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,950
Might have known. It's you jumping to
conclusions again. I do not.

336
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,510
By the time you thought he was pregnant,
and what happened? I had goth.

337
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,540
Another time. I had kittens.

338
00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:04,159
If I'm always jumping to conclusions,
how come I didn't suss that you started

339
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,299
taking other people's money out the bank
with a sawn -off checkbook?

340
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,140
You don't know, do you?

341
00:18:09,141 --> 00:18:13,139
What do you think you're playing at,
coming in here worrying me stupid when

342
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:14,820
haven't sounded him out about it?

343
00:18:21,649 --> 00:18:23,790
No, not even close.

344
00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:27,800
Well,

345
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:30,900
how'd it go then?

346
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,710
Not entirely successful.

347
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:38,230
Yeah? Do you mean the same way the
Titanic didn't entirely get to New York?

348
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:40,990
Thinks I'm off me rocker.

349
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,670
Well, that makes two of us.

350
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:54,020
Oh, hello, door.

351
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,040
Look at that.

352
00:18:57,810 --> 00:19:00,160
Terrible waste of a terrific little
body, eh?

353
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:03,850
I don't know. I really don't know.

354
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,380
Don't know what?

355
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,440
I don't know.

356
00:19:08,590 --> 00:19:10,330
You don't know what you don't know?

357
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,840
Well, at least I'm one up on you,
Dorian.

358
00:19:14,210 --> 00:19:15,870
At least I know what I don't know.

359
00:19:26,610 --> 00:19:28,290
So, how are you going to do it then?

360
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:30,720
Search me.

361
00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:36,450
Well, if you ask me... Well, go on then,
ask me.

362
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,230
All right, I'm asking you.

363
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:43,650
If you ask me, you can go about this in
two ways.

364
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:50,229
You can either say, Garth, do you feel
that the works of Oscar Wilde have

365
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:55,119
received... unjust criticism based on
the author's private life rather than

366
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,200
their literary merit.

367
00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:59,600
Or... Or you can say, Garth, are you a
shirtlifter?

368
00:20:01,260 --> 00:20:02,520
What are you boys saying?

369
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,110
I don't know.

370
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,000
Can't I talk round it a bit first?

371
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,439
OK, then let's have a little practice.

372
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,490
What?

373
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,160
I'll be Garth and you be you.

374
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,820
You do your little talk to me.

375
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:17,219
Sharon, I'm having enough trouble
picturing Garth as an homosexual.

376
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,639
I don't think I could cope with a Garth
who's wearing an Evans hat so I could

377
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:20,690
drop an M andM's.

378
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,130
I've got to lose.

379
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,560
All right, but you've got to be serious.

380
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:27,630
Promise.

381
00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:29,630
Right.

382
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,420
Garth? Yes, Mum?

383
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,020
I wanted to have a word with you.

384
00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:39,110
Yes, Mum?

385
00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:43,500
I wanted to have a word with you about,
well, you know, things.

386
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:46,070
Things, Mum?

387
00:20:46,071 --> 00:20:49,219
Right, I'm not doing it if you don't
take it serious.

388
00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:49,999
Sorry, right.

389
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,050
Go.

390
00:20:52,909 --> 00:20:53,959
Right.

391
00:20:54,670 --> 00:21:01,369
Garth, I was wondering if you were
having any kind of worry or doubt, kind

392
00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:04,390
in the sexual areas of your life.

393
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:09,340
You mean apart from being a woolly wolf
to me?

394
00:21:09,341 --> 00:21:14,609
You make one more crap like that and
I'll feed you that pina colada

395
00:21:14,610 --> 00:21:16,650
intravenously. Little umbrella and all.

396
00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:21,270
I'm sorry, Trace. Just haven't you got
to admit your approach is a bit

397
00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:22,480
isn't it? Oh.

398
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,430
So you could do better, could you? Well,
go on then, do it.

399
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:28,220
What? You be me and I'll be Garth.

400
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:30,720
OK, then. Right.

401
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:34,080
Right, Garth.

402
00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:35,590
Yes, Mum?

403
00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:37,540
Sit down a bit, love, eh?

404
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,490
You've had a rough time with it lately,
haven't you?

405
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:43,110
Yes, Mum.

406
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,510
Well, I just want you to know that I'm
proud of the way you got through it.

407
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,040
Your dad being put away and stuff.

408
00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:56,540
It's been hard on you, but, well, I
don't know how I'd have managed without

409
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:58,810
Thanks, Mum.

410
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:06,519
Garth, if there's anything you ever want
to tell me, I mean, not now, when

411
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:13,100
you're ready, I just want you to know
that I love you, that I'm on your side.

412
00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:17,700
Whatever you do, whatever anyone sees...

413
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,300
Nothing ever's going to change that.

414
00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:29,399
And if you feel that there's something,
I don't know, that you're different from

415
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:34,159
other boys, or that something's worrying
you, I'd like to feel that you could

416
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,080
come and tell me in your own time.

417
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,250
You do understand what I'm saying, don't
you, girl?

418
00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:42,950
I'm sorry.

419
00:22:56,430 --> 00:22:57,690
Sit down for a minute, eh?

420
00:22:57,850 --> 00:22:58,900
Go on.

421
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:07,030
Garth, I... Where's Richard?

422
00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:11,070
Oh, er... He's gone next door to help
Dorian out with something.

423
00:23:11,810 --> 00:23:12,860
Oh, yeah?

424
00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:18,470
Yeah, er... Her porch light's not
working or something. She can't reach

425
00:23:19,930 --> 00:23:21,470
Right. Garth.

426
00:23:22,070 --> 00:23:23,690
Now, this isn't easy for me.

427
00:23:24,430 --> 00:23:29,049
But what I wanted to say was, well, I
was wondering if you was having any kind

428
00:23:29,050 --> 00:23:35,490
of problems, like of a... ..private
nature,

429
00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:37,310
you might want to tell me about.

430
00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:42,249
What? Well, you're probably going
through changes at the moment, but I

431
00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,830
to know... Oh, Mum, I had sex at school.

432
00:23:47,810 --> 00:23:49,750
Mr Bannister showed us a video.

433
00:23:50,550 --> 00:23:51,600
Oh, God.

434
00:23:53,030 --> 00:23:57,180
Look. It's going to be tough for a time.
We've got to manage without your dad,

435
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,970
and you're coming up to a time in your
life when things could get difficult.

436
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:04,230
Dangerous.

437
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:10,320
But I want you to know that whatever you
do, whatever you are, I'm on your side.

438
00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:12,440
Great. Can I go now?

439
00:24:12,820 --> 00:24:18,019
No. Look, what Sharon means is, well, if
you're feeling uncomfortable because

440
00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:21,090
you're different to other boys... What
do you mean, different?

441
00:24:21,180 --> 00:24:22,820
Shut up. I haven't finished yet.

442
00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:26,650
Look, what I'm trying to say is you
shouldn't bottle it all up.

443
00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:30,680
You should just, well, you know, be
brave. Let it out.

444
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,580
Open the wardrobe door.

445
00:24:32,891 --> 00:24:34,919
I will.

446
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,120
Will I be off then? No, you won't.

447
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,860
Look, what I'm trying to say is... Yeah?

448
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,600
Different people have different tastes.

449
00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:47,000
Like, some men like tall girls, some men
like short girls.

450
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:48,310
Welshmen like sheep.

451
00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:57,350
you were puffed up.

452
00:24:59,420 --> 00:25:00,680
What happened to subtle?

453
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,070
You tried that and look where it got
you.

454
00:25:22,611 --> 00:25:29,439
Because you live in Manchester, don't
mean you can't support Chelsea.

455
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,490
Well, yeah.

456
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,020
Are you sure you're not... Positive.

457
00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:34,830
See you later, Mum.

458
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,400
Yeah, see you later, girl.

459
00:25:39,740 --> 00:25:40,790
Well,

460
00:25:40,791 --> 00:25:43,539
he seemed to take that all right, didn't
he?

461
00:25:43,540 --> 00:25:45,140
Yeah, like a man.

462
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,690
Yeah.

463
00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:49,060
Probably means he's a puff.

464
00:26:05,550 --> 00:26:06,970
Tracy, I must talk to you.

465
00:26:06,971 --> 00:26:10,409
What? You've come to tell us that we was
wrong about you. You're really frigid

466
00:26:10,410 --> 00:26:12,069
and all the boys are just for
appearances.

467
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,070
What? Oh, don't be absurd.

468
00:26:14,071 --> 00:26:17,569
All right, what do you want to talk to
me about, Dorian? Well, it's Richard.

469
00:26:17,570 --> 00:26:20,460
Uh, Dorian, I don't think this is a
good... No, no, no, listen.

470
00:26:22,550 --> 00:26:24,960
You remember I said that I thought
Richard was?

471
00:26:26,410 --> 00:26:28,410
But that didn't mean that Garth was.

472
00:26:28,411 --> 00:26:33,349
Well, anyway, I thought that if Richard
wasn't, then Garth couldn't be, and the

473
00:26:33,350 --> 00:26:34,410
good news is he isn't.

474
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,810
Dorian, have you been mixing tranks and
antifreeze again?

475
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,480
Let's put it this way.

476
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:46,079
You can stop worrying about Darth
because you can take it from me that

477
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,760
is definitely straight.

478
00:26:51,780 --> 00:26:52,830
You die!

479
00:27:13,870 --> 00:27:18,009
It's time for your daily dose of
hyperactive tomfoolery next, so suck up

480
00:27:18,010 --> 00:27:21,030
old e -numbers, it's the Kenny Everett
television show.

481
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:25,630
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